Clash of the Titans

Seriously!?

This was the WORST MOVIE EVER!

If someone were to ever tell me that this was their favorite movie, I would probably punch them in the face....

And there were so many good actors in this film! Liam Neeson! Ralph Fiennes! What were they thinking!?

If I HAD to rate this movie, I would need--well, let me ask this--how many Red Bulls are available in the world right now? Take that number and add 1 to that. I would need 1 MORE RED BULL THAN THE AMOUNT AVAILABLE IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH IN SUPPLY TO MAKE ME WATCH THIS MOVIE AGAIN! Make sense? :)

Nerd out.

Green Lantern

Eh.

But let me preface my review in admitting that we ALL love Ryan Reynolds! His acting is natural, he's always good for a laugh, and he's got a 6-pack of abs (maybe even an 8-pack!) that could make anyone orgasm in an instant. We love you Ryan Reynolds, and you make for the perfect super hero! (And a big shout out goes to Peter Sarsgaard for his creepy rendition of Hector Hammond. Nicely done!)

But as for the film...

Again, I say, "Eh."

The plot of Green Lantern was pretty typical. Guy gets special powers without wanting the responsibility, but ends up saving the day in the end. We've seen plenty of those films before! The concept of green light versus yellow light (a.k.a. fear) I liked, but the evil Parallax just reminded me of when the Hulk's father turned into a gas monster in the horrible 2003 version of the Hulk. Or when He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is no more than a cloud of smoke in the first two Harry Potter films. Such concepts of evil are somewhat boring and pretty untheoretical to me.

Which reminds me about what comic books are truly made of.....STORY. Every good comic book super hero has a good story. It has heart. I just felt like the Green Lantern "lost it's flame a bit" so to speak, pun intended. Although (SPOILER ALERT!!!), I like the potential ending for a sequel in which Mark Strong's Sinestro (another great role for another worthy actor) puts on the ring of fear. Now THAT can make for an interesting story...

If I had to see this movie again, I would need:

2 RED BULLS
(I would say 3, but Ryan Reynolds is so freakin' hot!)

Let's just hope the sequel has a better plot line, and of course, MORE RYAN REYNOLDS! ;)

Xmen: First Class

I'll be honest when I say that I had low expectations for this movie. I never expected an Xmen movie with young actors to be good, but when it started earning some hype (and when I got 3 free tickets after buying the originals on blue-ray), I decided to give it a chance. And let me just say, I am glad that I did!

All the actors were perfectly cast, particularly James McAvoy as Charles Xavier (aka Professor X), Michael Fassbender as Magneto, and of course, Kevin Bacon as the evil Sebastian Shaw. The three of these actors "stole the show" for me, so to speak, and I commend them highly for doing so.

The plot of this Xmen installment was also more than exceptional! The way Bryan Singer and Sheldon Turner incoporared the Cuban missile crisis into the story was beyond creative. And Matthew Vaughn's direction clearly brought out both the humor and sincerity of the film. As a gay man, I enjoyed the cleaver phrase, "Mutant and proud!"

With this being said, if I had to see this movie again, I would need:

1 RED BULL

(And I would mostly want this Red Bull for the enjoyment of it, not to keep me awake...)

SPOILER ALERT: If there was only one disappointment in the film, it was the absence of a "mini scene" at the end of the credits. So if you're looking for a traditional Xmen tease, don't bother waiting. I also liked seeing Wolverine's cameo during the recruting montage. Nothing like a good montage to keep a movie going, am I right? ;)

Titanic II

Worst. Movie. Ever.

I mean--COME ON!--I already knew this film would be bad based on the title alone, but the script was nothing fresh (cough, Posseidon Adventure, cough), the cinematography and special effects were horrific, and the acting (asside from veteran Bruce Davison) was like something out of a high school play. The production value of this movie reminds me of Spiderman the Musical: Turn off the Dark on Broadway--something tells me the producers were a little too late when deciding to back out of making this film, even though that would have been the best decision for everyone...

If I had to see this movie again, I would need:

NO RED BULLS!

(Not because the movie was great, rather because I would not want to waste the wonderful delishiousness of Red Bull in order to see this film again. I would rather it be used as a method of torture.)

Super 8

This was--BY FAR--the most beautiful film ever made!

And here's why...

A little over 5 years ago, I lost a dear friend of mine to suicide. There's not a day that goes by when I don't think about my friend at least once. Now, although the situation was extremely depressing, what my friend taught me was that life CAN be what we make of it, and that it's also best to go through life with other people rather than being alone.

That being said, Super 8 is about all that...and more!

First off, I have to ask: Was anyone else reminded of The Goonies while watching this film? I sure was, and my only hope is that this movie become a cult classic of the current generation. The child actors of Super 8 were just as good as our favorite "goons," and I wish them all the same well deserved fame. Joel Courtney and Riley Griffiths were the perfect duo! I could never lay my eye off of either of them. And toward the end (SPOILER ALERT!!!), when Joel confronted the monster and said, "Bad things happen. But you can still live." Well, that felt like my own friend was speaking directly to me. If only HE had known that...

It must also be known that J.J. Abrams is a genius. (And I should know because I work with Geniuses at the Apple store!) Any director who can use child actors to their full potential and make them look even better than their adult counterparts has true talent! He is also a mastermind in mystery and suspense. He has all the skills M. Night Shyamalan wishes he had! But being a major fan of LOST, I am only glad that it is J.J. who continues to master his mysterious skills.

My apologies to Red Bull, but if I had to see this movie again, I would need:

ABSOLUTELY NO RED BULLS!

I could watch this movie over and over again, even after working the most exhausting 24 hour day in my life! The message alone is worth reminding ourselves of life's value. I may have taken my friend's life for granted 5 years ago, but I REFUSE to do the same with my own!

This one's for you, Rob...

Shrek Forever After

Shrek is back....really!? I mean, the Shrek movies are good and all, but does anyone really think they're brilliant enough to surpass a trilogy? I will admit, if the producers of Shrek were trying to make up for the 3rd installment, they succeeded. But a bag of poop could have done the same thing...

As for the 4th (and hopefully FINAL) Shrek film, I thought the story was no more than "cute." I enjoyed the character of Rumpelstiltskin as an evildoer, and I absolutely LOVED the witches as his henchwomen. It was also fun to see the alternate lives of Puss, Donkey, and Fiona. Even so, the Gingerbread Man always knows how to steal the show.

If I had to see this movie again, I would need:

2 RED BULLS!

But if there are any producers out their reading this, hear my plea....good things happen in THREE for a reason! Don't try to over do it....

P.S. James Bond is the only franchise that has SUCCESSFULLY SURPASSED the trilogy mark, and for good reason! But, unfortunately, Shrek is no James Bond...

The Winning Season

Ok, I'll be honest...the only reason I watched this movie was because I was an extra in the final game of the film. You can hardly see me in one of the scenes (see below), but it was worth catching a glimpse of myself and my dear friend, Christina Cataldo.

(That's me and my friend in the top right hand corner with our heads cropped out, lol)

But in reference to the actual movie, it was very slow and boring. Sam Rockwell is a great actor, but he was so angry through most of the film that I got really annoyed. It was like reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix where Harry comes across as an angry teenager. At first, you think--well, he has a right to be mad!--but after a few chapters, I just want to say, "Enough already!" Same goes for this film--we got that Sam Rockwell's character was a shitty father, husband, coach, you name it! But it went on forever! He didn't learn anything until the very end of the movie, and that bothered me.

Even Rob Corddry--who I find to be HILARIOUS--was NOT used to the best of his comedic abilities.

I will say, I did enjoy the ending. (SPOILER ALERT!!!) I was glad they lost the final game because what really mattered during their "winning season" was what they got out of each other, and those themes always touch my heart. In the end, they all won a little something...

Needless to say, if I had to see this movie again, I would need:

3 RED BULLS!

Let's just hope that they next time a "Winning Season" is made, at least make it a "winning movie"...

Easy A

I'm sure it's already been said, but Easy A earns itself an A...easily! :)

I had already heard this film was great, but I found it to be more so. First off, let's talk about the all-star cast, shall we? Emma Stone is above brilliant in this film! Her sarcastic humor is so spot on that spot remover has become her worst enemy. Amanda Bynes was also perfect for her goody-twoshoes Christian role that I thought I was saved during the film. And what about the big league celebs? Stanley Tucci, Patricia Clarkson, Malcolm McDowell, Lisa Kudrow, Thomas Haden Church, Fred Armisen...all amazing! This was truly wonderful cast of talented actors that worked so well together, they should make every comedy together from here on out, lol.

The story was also unique to me. Sure, we've all seen films about how much high school sucks, but Emma Stone's Olive gives us a much different taste about high school. I only hope she can inspire our current generation of high schoolers to not care as much about the things they're pressured to care about (girls, boys, sex, love, etc.). If I remember correctly, my favorite times as a high schooler were not when I was chasing down girls or worrying about when I might get laid, but rather playing board games with my friends after school and eating lunch with the other drama kids in the auditorium. I learned more in the halls of my high school than I did in any classroom (except for my senior year Dominant Ideas class....shout out to Mrs. Golden!), but unfortunately, the only lesson I didn't learn was to ALWAYS BE YOURSELF! That's the greatest lesson one can learn, and I felt like Easy A had that exact message...

If I had to watch this movie again, I would rate it:

1 RED BULL!

(In other words, I would need 1 Red Bull to watch this movie again, and that's only to help remind me of the many nights I spent drinking Red Bull during my high school years...)

I recommend that everyone watch this movie if you're in for a good laugh, some fantastic acting on all accounts, but most of all, to simply remember that high school is a "rite of passage," so to speak...a "rite of passage" we ALL live through and that we ALL come out better on the other side! :)

How To Train Your Dragon

Ok, so I know this movie came out last year, but since I'm playing catch up, I figured I would post about how AMAZING this film is!

First of all, I bought this movie on a whim at one of those "3 DVDs for $20" sales at Blockbuster. And let me tell you, I am SO GLAD I did because it has easily earned it's place in my top 10 films of all time! I've probably watched it AT LEAST 7 times in the last 3 months! That's how good it is!

I'll be honest, the story in this movie is nothing too original. It's about a geeky boy (which is something I can totally relate to) who just wants to fit in and make his father proud. Pretty basic. But what this film has that most other kid's movies don't is "sacrifice." It doesn't haven the perfect fairy tail ending you might expect a movie like this to have, and I like that. Personally, I think true story telling such as this keeps our young minds grounded and practical. On top of that, it's the dragons and characters that keep our minds imaginative!

The score in this entire movie is also phenomenal! It was definitely worthy of the Academy Award it won last year. Now that I've seen this film so many times, I find myself listening to the music more and more each time. I also find myself enjoying it more and more each time I listen to it. Congrats to John Powell on a job well done!

With that being said, I give this movie:

NO RED BULLS!

(In other words, I would not need a single Red Bull in order to watch this movie again!)

So do yourself a favor, and DO NOT go rent this movie....instead, just go out and BUY IT! :)

Thor

Thor was pretty awesome! I knew it would be. I heard it would be. But sometimes you don't expect certain movies to be what others are saying it is. In the case of Thor, however, I am glad everyone was right....

I, for one, am very excited for next year's release of The Avengers, and although I am a BIG FAN of Robert Downey Jr's portrayal of Tony Stark, Chris Hemsworth's Thor might give RDJ a run for his money! He was a powerful actor chosen to play the typical cocky-boy-learns-his-lesson type of character. And of course, Natalie Portman is--BY FAR--the best female lead for a superhero yet (at least in regards to any of the other Avengers).

But who I really was impressed by was Tom Hiddleston (a.k.a. Loki). I could never tell if what he was doing was for himself, or for his people. He really had me going there for practically the entire movie! Although...SPOILER ALERT!!!....after watching the post-credits scene, I think the Avengers may have found their nemesis....If this is the case, I very much approve! :)

And naturally, I can't go without giving praise to the infamous Anthony Hopkins. He is just one of those actors who embraces each character he touches, giving life to some of the best roles film audiences have seen.

All in all, I give this movie:

1 Red Bull!
(In other words, I would only need 1 Red Bull to see this movie again, mostly for a slow paced plot.)

Now, I guess we wait to see what Captain America has to offer this July....

Until then,

Nerd out. :)

I'm Back!

Hello fellow bloggers!

I apologize for my almost-year-absence, but I PROMISE to continue blogging again, especially after watching some great flicks!

As always, my movie reviews will be rated in Red Bulls, with the more Red Bulls I need to see a film, the worse it is!

Happy reading... :)

JD

Meet my Minion, Joshy Squashy!

If my life was a movie, this would be my soundtrack...

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE???

Here's how to play the game...

1. Open your music library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For the first "life moment," type the song that is playing
5. When you go to a new "life moment," press the next button TWICE


Opening Credits: "Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani

First Day at School: "White Christmas" sung by Bing Crosby (this reminds me of all those harsh winters waiting for the school bus or the 10 minute walk from the parking lot behind the football field....)

Falling in Love: "Let's Get Ready to Rumble!!!!!!!"

Losing Virginity: "This is All Very New to Me" sung by Elaine Stritch (this is the perfect match!)

Fight Song: "Say Liza" (aka "Liza with a Z!")

Breaking Up: "You've Got to Pick a Pocket or Two" from Oliver!

Prom: "Miss Celie's Pants" from Color Purple (well, it IS a dance number...)

Life: "The Swamps of Home" from Once Upon a Mattress

Mental Breakdown: "Don't Waste Your Time" by Kelly Clarkson

Driving: "Proud" sung by Susan Boyle

Flashback: "Children of the Revolution" by U2 (from Moulin Rouge)

Getting Back Together: "Bend and Snap" from Legally Blonde: The Musical

Wedding: "I'm So Ronery" from Team America: World Police (I guess this means I'll never see gay marriage in my lifetime...)

Birth of Child: "You Are the Music In Me" (the Sharpay version) from High School Musical 2

Final Battle: "There Will Come a Day" by Melinda Doolittle (another perfect pairing...)

Death Scene: "Santa Clause is Comin' to Town" sung by Frank Sinatra (this makes me smile...)

Funeral Song: "You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile" from Annie

Avatar

Every once in a blue moon (pun intented...), there comes a movie that EVERYONE loves. And because EVERYONE loves it, you almost DON'T want to see it simply because of the hype. But when you DO see it, the movie is BETTER than EVERYONE was saying it was, and it becomes one of your FAVORITE movies of all time...

Avatar is one of THOSE movies... :)

First off, I am not surprised that it has made over $1 BILLION DOLLARS!!! With 3D ticket prices as high as they are, but it's the RIGHT WAY to see this film...

The story is also extremely moving. Some might be taken by the love story, but for me, I felt more for the Na'vi and their people. I think the movie focused beautifully on the new world of the Na'vi, and it was LITERALLY one of the most visually STUNNING films I've ever seen.

So I must CONGRATULATE James Cameron for another masterpiece. His hard work truly paid off, and if you haven't seen this movie yet....GO NOW!!! :)

I give thos movie -1 RED BULL!!!
(meaning that I would GIVE UP my Red Bull to see this movie again...)

New Moon

BOOK: Great! It's actually one of my favorite in the series (mostly because I can relate to Bella when Edward leaves her...)

MOVIE: Eh...

I must say, I think director Chris Weitz caught some of the most important parts from the book beautifully on film, but it wasn't enough. The movie just reminded me how boring the first three books actually are. Stephanie Meyer writes emotion, not story. It's not until her last book when something actually happens! (Note to Mrs. Meyer: Edward leaving is SOMETHING HAPPENING. Having a baby is SOMETHING HAPPENING. Not knowing whether you like Edward or Jacob is NOT something happening!)

But thanks to this movie, however, I am now for Team Jacob... ;)

I give this movie 2 RED BULLS!
(meaning I would need 2 Red Bulls to see this movie again...)

2012

Are....you....KIDDING ME!?

So apparently, John Cusack seems to be the only person who can drive a limousine through the streets of California while the earth is crumbling beneath him and buildings are falling all around the place. REALLY!?

But no, honestly, I don't know WHY I saw potential in this film. I guess I thought the plot was going to be more about the Mayan prediction, or the belief in high solar activity for the year 2012, but boy, was I wrong...

This was your typical disaster movie, and I think director Roland Emmerich knew it. I'll admit, this film was VERY FUNNY! But it had to be due to such a poorly written script. I just wish it were the other way around....

I give this movie NO RED BULLS!

(meaning that even if the earth were crumbling beneath me, I wouldn't dare waste a perfectly good Red Bull just to watch this movie again...)

Away We Go

This was a very beautiful movie, and much different than I expected. This film got a lot of hype when it was in theatres, and it was much deserved.

From the trailer, I thought this movie would be about raising a new baby to a couple unfamiliar with raising a family. But instead, this was a beautiful film not just about starting a new life for a new family, but it was more about finding a new home. And sometimes, home is where we least expect it.... :)

I give this movie only HALF A RED BULL!
(meaning I would need less than a full Red Bull to watch this move again...)

Where the Wild Things Are

Wow.

I don't even know what to say about this BEUATIFUL film....

So let me start by saying this....

You have a book....with 4 complete sentences in it.....with only about 335 words.....HOW DO YOU MAKE THAT INTO A MOVIE?

Well, Spike Jonze knows how! He took a classic picture book and turned it into a wonderful piece of art.

Without giving too much away (I want everyone to experience this film the way I did....with an open mind....), the story reminded me of my good friend, Robert Sambursky, who died during my senior year of college. It reminded me of the people who come and go in our lives, just like Max came and left in the world of the Wild Things. Furthermore, it reminded me about what we learn from those people, just like what Max learned from the Wild Things and vice versa.

I must also give mad props to Max Records for his AMAZING rendition of Max, the "King" of the Wild Things. This boy was the perfect find! He was so naturally talented, I only hope he can at least be nominated for an Oscar for his role. He deserves it....

The visualization of the movie was also stunning! It was MORE than what I was expecting, and it made me want to LIVE in the world of the Wild Things. And the music was also well done! Congrats to all! :)

I give this movie NO RED BULLS!!!
(meaning I would need NO Red Bulls in order to watch this movie again.)

So I THANK YOU, Spike Jonze, for NOT ruining a beloved children's classic, but turning it into something even more beautiful than the original... :)

The Invention of Lying

Cute movie. I thought the original concept/idea for the film was very unique, but it went in a completely different direction than I was expecting. This movie became FAR TOO RELIGIOUS than what it should have been. I wasn't expecting it, and it just became a little too awkward in the end...

That being said.....

Ricky Gervais is always worth a laugh, and the rest of the cast was very true and natural as well. I DID enjoy what Ricky's character LEARNS from the whole experience, I just wish he had discovered it with less religious undertones.

I give this movie 2 RED BULLS!
(meaning I would need 2 Red Bulls to watch this movie again...)

Whip It

CONGRATULATIONS DREW BARRYMORE!!!

As her beautiful directorial debut, Whip It is a wonderful girl-power movie about discovering oneself through rollerblading.

Ellen Page makes a great main character for us. Her awkwardness is always adorable. And although her natural talents remind me of the same character we saw in Juno, this time around, Ellen was a bit more shy rather than sarcastic. That being said, she was still perfectly cast. :)

Marcia Gay Harden also gives a splendid performance as Ellen Page's mother. That woman can take the simplest of roles and turn it into a character that's deep and beautiful. She's my muse. :)

And you know who I hadn't seen since Home Alone??? Daniel Stern! And wow, can this guy act! What a touching, supportive performance as Ellen's father! I was thoroughly impressed. As was I with Ellen's best friend, Alia Shawkat as Pash. Both did a job well done. :)

Who I really loved, however, was Kristen Wiig. I've always admired this woman. She's always 110% committed to every one of her roles, whether it be on SNL or another film. But what I loved about Kristen's work as Maggie Mayhem in this film was that she showed us she can be a little serious and sensitive, too. She played the most sincere single mom who was just out there doing what she loved, FOR who she loved. I was truly touched, Kristen....thank you.... :)

The only thing I would have changed about this movie was maybe having a little less Drew Barrymore in it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I LOVE Drew, and I am so proud of her new directing accomplishment! And I also LOVE seeing directors in their own movies...but to an extent. I always look for M. Night in his films, but they are usually small roles. He's usually in a scene or two, and that's it. But Drew was still a major character in this film. I mean, props to her for handling it all, but I would have rather seen her as a beauty contest judge for a scene or two, rather than her ditsy self as a roller derby chick. Love her....but just saying....

I give this movie 0.5 RED BULLS!
(As much as I liked it, I would only need half a Red Bull to watch it again.)